I want you to actually pause for a second and think.
Not skim. Not nod along. Actually think.
Who’s the best leader you’ve ever worked for?
Not the CEO you follow on LinkedIn. Not the person with the fancy title.
The real one.
The one you’d go back and work for again tomorrow without even asking about comp.
Got them?
Good.
Now—what made them great?
If you wrote it down (or even just thought it through properly), I’ll bet money your answers fall into two buckets.
Not ten. Not twenty. Two.
First: they pushed you.
They challenged your thinking. They didn’t let you get away with average. They called you out when you were off. They expected more—and somehow got more out of you than you thought you had.
Second: they actually gave a damn.
You felt it. Not in a corporate “we care about our people” poster-on-the-wall kind of way. But in how they showed up. How they spoke to you. How they backed you.
You knew they were in your corner.
That combination?
That’s not luck.
That’s what Kim Scott calls Radical Candor:
Challenge directly. Care personally.
Sounds simple. It’s not.
Because most leaders are only good at one side of this—and they usually overdo it.
The “Hard-Ass” Leader Everyone Eventually Leaves
You’ve worked for this person.
They’re sharp. Driven. Probably successful.
They “tell it like it is.”
Which usually means they say whatever they want, however they want, and call it honesty.
Feedback from them feels like getting hit with a brick.
And look—sometimes you do grow under them. You get tougher. Faster. Maybe even better.
But you also get something else: tired.
Because when challenge shows up without care, it creates a culture of quiet survival.
People stop taking risks. They stop speaking up. They do what’s required—and nothing more.
Not because they’re lazy.
Because they’re protecting themselves.
That leader thinks they’re building high performance.
What they’re actually building is compliance.
Big difference.
The “Nice” Leader Everyone Loves… Until They Don’t
Then there’s the other extreme.
The “great person.”
Supportive. Easygoing. Always positive.
You enjoy working for them. No stress. No friction.
And for a while, it’s awesome.
Until you realize… you’re not really growing.
Because they avoid the hard conversations.
They don’t push you when you’re capable of more.
They let things slide that shouldn’t slide.
They want to be liked more than they want you to improve.
And here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Being liked is not leadership.
It’s comfort.
And comfort, over time, kills progress.
The high performers on the team? They feel it first. They get bored. Frustrated. Eventually… gone.
Because deep down, people don’t just want support.
They want to be stretched.
The Leader You Still Talk About Years Later
Now go back to that person you thought of at the start.
They weren’t soft.
And they weren’t a tyrant either.
They lived right in the middle of those two extremes.
They told you the truth—even when it stung a bit.
But it never felt like they were trying to tear you down.
It felt like they were trying to build you up.
They held you accountable.
But not in a “don’t mess this up” way.
In a “you’re better than this” way.
They pushed you.
But you didn’t resent them for it.
You respected them for it.
Why?
Because you trusted where it was coming from.
That’s the difference most people miss.
When people know you care, they can handle the challenge. When they don’t, even small feedback feels like an attack.
Here’s Where It Gets Uncomfortable
Every leader you’ve ever had has been training you.
Not formally. Not intentionally.
But they’ve been shaping how you lead—whether you realize it or not.
The overly harsh boss? Maybe they made you swing too far into being “nice.”
The overly nice boss? Maybe they made you avoid difficult conversations because you don’t want to be that person.
And now you’re somewhere in the middle… trying to figure it out.
Here’s the problem:
If you don’t consciously choose how you show up, you default.
And most defaults are wrong.
You either:
- Hold back when you should challenge
- Or come in too hot when you should slow down
Rarely do people naturally land in that sweet spot.
The Game Most Leaders Are Actually Playing
A lot of leaders think their job is to get results.
It’s not.
Your job is to get results through people.
Which means your real job is this:
Get people to perform at a higher level than they would without you.
Not through pressure.
Not through being liked.
Through a mix of both push and support.
That’s the game.
And it’s harder than it sounds.
Because it requires you to do two uncomfortable things at the same time:
- Say the thing that needs to be said
- And make the person feel like you’re on their side
Most people can do one.
Very few consistently do both.
If You’re Leading Right Now, Read This Twice
If you’ve got people reporting to you, here’s the question that actually matters:
Do they know you care about them?
And—
Are you still willing to challenge them anyway?
If you’re missing one of those, you’re leaving performance on the table.
Worse—you’re shaping someone’s career in the wrong direction.
Because the leaders we remember aren’t the easiest.
They’re the ones who made us better.
The ones who didn’t let us hide.
The ones who saw more in us than we saw in ourselves—and refused to let us settle.
That’s the bar.
Not being liked.
Not being feared.
Being respected.
And respect comes from that balance:
Push them. Back them. Repeat.
Do that well enough—and one day, you’ll be the answer to that first question.
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Follow Patrick Metzger on LinkedIn.